


Where The Wild Things Aren’t

by Pen37



Series: To Say Nothing Of The Dragon [5]
Category: Brave - Fandom, How to Train Your Dragon - Fandom
Genre: Adorable Toothless (How to Train Your Dragon), Clockpunk!Hiccup, F/M, Green Arrow References galore, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Toothless Friendship, Hiccup and Merida are long suffering Dragon parents, Hiccup builds everything, Merida blows stuff up, Parkour!Merida, Toothless stinks at courting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-10-26 01:36:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pen37/pseuds/Pen37
Summary: The O’DunBroch-Haddock Family is stuck in Constantinople as the unwilling guestages of the Emperor.   At least it gives them time for Toothless to court the female Night Fury from the Emperor’s menagerie.Now if they can just figure out what courtship means for a Night Fury.No pressure there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea for this story when the first clips for HTTYD 3 started airing. Like a lot of people, I wasn’t thrilled with the “my little Night Fury” design of the female dragon. (She’s not bad in context of the movie’s story. But without that context she looks like the face that launched a thousand fanfics.)
> 
> I based a lot of the courtship rituals and the female’s look on similar behaviors and characteristics of birds of prey.

Hiccup, Merida, Toothless and the flock of Terrors sat on the top of the wall separating the menagerie from the rest of the palace gardens. Below them in the space given over to their personal use, the female Night Fury was systematically destroying the animal cages in a fit of anger that lived up to every fairy tale about monstrous dragons ever warbled by a tone-deaf bard. 

“Well, that went well.” Hiccup said with a sour expression as a cage exploded in a rain of molten shards under a blast of plasma.

“Maybe she’ll calm doon?” Merida suggested tentatively. The dragoness let out a terrifying shriek, causing Merida to wince. 

Toothless looked at Merida with an incredulous expression. 

“Well, we couldn’t just leave her in there.” Merida crossed her arms. “We can’t get her to trust us if we make her stay in a cage.”

Hiccup pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. At least they’d waited until Eret and his men had found a place to take the other animals. 

He didn’t want to contemplate what the emperor would say if they destroyed the rest of his menagerie right after he’d given them the female Night Fury.

As he thought this, he spotted a person in a purple robe staring down at them through a high window in the nearby palace. 

He winced at the noise they must be making. “We need a new plan,” he sighed. 

Merida hugged Bampot to herself, frowning as she stroked the little dragon at the base of it’s horns. It leaned into her ministrations. Then a chunk of cage bar went flying past them. They ducked the projectile, and Bampot hissed toward the female Night Fury, before fleeing to safety along with the other Terrors.

Hiccup, Merida and Toothless each straightened, staring down into the garden to make sure that there would be no more flying shards of molten death metal headed their way before settling down to discuss things further. 

“What did the two of you do when you bonded with Toothless?” Merida asked at last. “I mean, you and he didnae start off on the right . . . Thingy.” She finished weakly, wincing at her hastily aborted pun.

“Nice effort,” Hiccup said. 

“I try.” Merida scratched Toothless behind an ear flap. The black dragon practically purred as he put his head in Merida’s lap. 

Hiccup rolled his eyes. It was the sooty gray female currently throwing the mother dragon of all tantrums that Merida was supposed to be bonding with, not Toothless. 

Yet there he was, tongue hanging out, dribbling slimy dragon drool down the hem of her skirt. And Merida wouldn’t even yell at him. Just call him a loon, and try to remake the dress around the stain. 

At this rate, she would be wearing his clothes by the time they left the city. 

As much as Hiccup loved dragons, he hadn’t lost sight of the fact that some of their more draconian tendencies were annoying. 

Merida seemed to have the idea that they all had the same temperament as her brothers. And that their bad behavior was one of the endearing things about them.

Which explained a lot about her, really.

The weird thing about it was that her method of training dragons — something she’d hit upon intuitively after a lifetime working with her horse, the castle birds of prey and her father’s hunting hounds — seemed to work just as well as his methods. 

Give him a flock of Terrors, and he would have just fed them — maybe used his fire sword to hypnotize them if the flock was big enough — and called them trained. 

But Merida seemed to feel that dragons, like the hawks and falcons she’d worked with before, needed constant activity to keep them from being bored and from causing trouble. 

She was always thinking up new tricks and puzzles for her Terrors. From teaching them to work together to carry her, to training them to herd highland sheep. 

He had to admit, they were the best behaved Terrors he’d ever met. Even if they did sound like the roosters of Ragnarök. 

And the She-Fury down there needed special attention. Hiccup shuddered to think of the treatment she’d received from pretty much every human she’d encountered from the moment she was captured. 

Hiccup hoped she would learn to trust humans — especially Merida. But he wasn’t under any illusion that it would be easy. 

Maybe it would take both of them, with their separate training methods, to come up with a plan that would work. 

“She’ll calm down.” Hiccup winced as the girl Fury let out a particularly loud screech. “Eventually.”

“Aye. And then I should be the one to feed her,” Merida said. “That way she forms good associations with me.”

“And you gain her trust, good idea,” Hiccup said. “Toothless should be there whenever you interact.” He half directed the statement at Toothless. Toothless nodded back in agreement. 

“So that she has an example of how a dragon is supposed to act.” Merida nodded.

“I was thinking more so that he could protect you, but your idea works too.” Hiccup said. 

He stared down at the door of their new quarters. To get to them, they would have to go past one angry dragon. “Maybe we should have waited to open the cage until after we had a good night’s sleep.”

—

“Hiccup, are you here?” Eret called through the workshop door. 

“Yeah?” Hiccup tucked away his journal with the sketches for the multi-function shield and the collapsible bow, and spread out a sketch of a grist mill attached to a boat. He’d seen similar barges in Rome, and thought the design could be implemented here. 

He didn’t mind designing things that would make everyone’s life better. But he wasn’t about to have legions of the Byzantine Cataphraact out conquering other nations using weapons he’d designed. 

That was not to be his legacy, so help him. 

Eret ran into the room, picked up Hiccup’s sword and pitched it to him, hilt first. “You’d better come with me. Your wife is involved in a riot.”

Hiccup’s blood ran cold. “What?”

He belted on his sword, snatched up a crossbow and chased after Eret. “What riot?”

“There’s always a riot after the chariot races. The Blues and the Greens hate one another.”

Hiccup slowed to a stop. “Fighting in the streets over a sport? And we’re the ones who are supposed to be barbaric!”

Eret rolled his eyes. “It’s more complicated than that. Get a move on, and I’ll explain as best I understand it.”

They jogged out into one of the narrow, hilly, dirt tracks that passed for streets in Constantinople. Then they turned down a side street that was more like a set of stairs, then up another. As they neared the Hippodrome, the dirt streets gave way to cobblestones. 

“The Blues and Greens have been sporting factions as far back as anyone can remember,” Eret said. “Some say they were supporting chariot teams back in the days of the republic.”

“Can we slow down?” Hiccup gasped out, holding his side. 

Eret rolled his eyes. “Shouldn’t you be in better shape? You take your dragon for a flight every morning.”

“That uses completely different muscles.” Hiccup said. “Continue with your explanation.”

“Each faction has thousands of members. So if you support the Greens, you stand a good chance of finding work amongst others who support the Greens. And if the Greens say that you should support this or that interpretation of their religion, or this or that senator, then that’s what the faction members will throw their support behind. The chariot racing is just the face of each group.

“The emperor himself tries to stay neutral. But he has two nephews who each support a different faction. It’s going to be interesting in a few years when the question of succession comes up.”

Hiccup nodded, too out of breath to do much else. This business of sporting factions was as complicated as everything else in this big city. Once again, he found himself longing for the simplicity of life back in Berk. 

Even when he’d been nothing more than Hiccup the Useless, at least he knew where he stood. How could anyone know where they stand when their opinions are made up for them based on which chariot team they support?

Speaking of use. “Eret, I think someone may be coming into my workshop and going through my work when I’m not there.”

Eret chuckled mirthlessly. “I’d almost guarantee it.”

Hiccup stumbled and fell to the ground. “What?”

Eret looked back, rolled his eyes and hoisted Hiccup back to his feet. “The Empire has many hands.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Your ideas could change the world, you know,” Eret said. “A lot of people are watching you. Not all of them want the world to change. Some of them want to be the ones shaping this new world.”

“That’s unnerving,” Hiccup said. “Are your men some of the ones watching me?”

“Yes, Hiccup. Be thankful of it. Because It’s my job to make sure that you’re safe.”

“Yippie.” Hiccup said with little enthusiasm.

They came to a hastily thrown together barricade made from carts, manned by some of the Varangian guardsmen under Eret’s command. 

Hiccup recognized Ragnar from when he’d been kidnapped, and waved to the man. Ragnar gave him a confused look, and hesitantly waved back. 

“Have you caught sight of the Scottish Princess?” Eret asked. 

“Not since she marched off into that crowd,” Ragnar shook his head, pointing to where men in various shades of blue and green tunicas were bludgeoning one another with whatever weapons they could reach. In some cases, they’d pried up cobblestones from the street.

Hiccup had to admire the ingenuity born of a primal desire to just hit someone really, really hard. 

“She said she’d be right back, and I’m inclined to believe her, the way she swanned through that brawl.” Ragnar continued.

“Here she comes!” Another man (Hiccup thought it might be Halvdan) yelled, pointing. 

Hiccup craned his neck, to see Merida returning to the barricade, face angry as any of Thor’s thunderclouds. She towed two men by their ears. One of the men wore a blue tunica and the other a green one. Both men were hunched over Merida, howling in pain as she dragged them. 

Around them, people simply moved aside while continuing to brawl. They didn’t even seem to be conscious that they were getting out of Merida’s way. It was like their bodies simply decided to go brawl somewhere else without consulting their brains on the decision. 

“Has she always been able to do that?” Eret asked, voice low in wonder. 

“First day we met, she strolled right through a boatload of her men trying to attack me.” Hiccup said. “Walked right up and offered Toothless an apple.”

“She’s not a Valkyrie in disguise, is she?” Ragnar whispered.

“I’ve met her parents,” Hiccup said. “Her mother can do the thing, too.”

As she walked, Merida seemed to be scolding the men. Once she was close enough, Hiccup could hear what she said. “If ye were me brothers, I’d give ye a right smack across the backs of yer heids! To me thinkin’, ye havane had aught o’ that in yer life.” 

Just then Merida reached the barricade. “These two reprobates are the ones who started this pure mess.” Merida pushed both of her prisoners toward Ragnar. 

“Right,” Eret nodded. “Ragnar, take these two men back to the prison for questioning.” 

Gunnar’s eyes widened. He leaned over to Eret and whispered in his ear, staring at the two men as he did. 

“Are you sure?” He squinted into the faces of the two men. Then Eret rolled his eyes. “Of course it would be these two. Ragnar, instead take them back to the imperial palace and tell the Emperor that his nephews have been stirring up the populace again.” 

He nodded to Merida’s bow where she’d rested it over her shoulder, then pointed to the roof of a building behind the barricade. “Princess, Master Artificer. If the two of you would, find a high place. We would appreciate it if you’d keep those rioters away from our barricades with your fancy exploding arrows. If they get too close.”

That was a dismissal if ever Hiccup heard one. He and Merida followed his directions up the stairs inside the building. 

They would most likely be up there, out of Eret’s way and no longer retrieving inconvenient prisoners, for the rest of the afternoon. Possibly into the night. Until the rioters ran out of steam and just went home. 

“Times like this make me wish I had a Groncicle,” Hiccup grumbled. “I’d have it just spray a jet of cold water over the crowd and been done with it.”

“Not everything’s better with dragons,” Merida said as they emerged onto a rooftop terrace cluttered with furniture.

“Name one thing a dragon couldn’t improve,” Hiccup crossed his arms.

“The conquering might o’ Rome,” Merida said as she settled into position, explosive arrow nocked. “I’m sure they’d take more territory with Dragons in the army, but I’m not sure they should. Considering tales that Mum and Da told me about how me ancestors held them back from conquering Scotland.”

Hiccup leaned against a wall, staring off over the sea of rooftops that went on for leagues and thinking of Eret’s words from earlier. “I hate that you’re right.”

“Me too,” Merida said. “We should make some space up here for Toothless.”

“He knows he’s supposed to stay in the garden during the day.” Hiccup said. 

Merida smirked at him. “He also seems to have a sixth sense for when you’re anywhere near danger, and an instinct to protect you. If you were the dragon and he were your person, you would do the same thing.”

Hiccup digested that thought for a minute, then set his crossbow aside and started dragging furniture out of the way, leaving a rug out for the dragon. 

A few minutes later, Toothless slithered over the edge of the building and into the rug. He’d made his eyes big and round, as if trying to look as sweet and harmless as possible. 

“You’re not fooling anyone, Bud.” Hiccup said. He didn’t need to look at Merida to know that she had her smug face on. 

—

Hiccup and Merida took turns covering the street. Over the course of the day, the riot seemed to gain and lose steam several times. 

More than once, Hiccup saw people run through the crowd carrying items that had been clearly looted. Some of those items made little sense to him. 

What use could one possibly have for a twelve foot marble statue carved to look like a man with goat legs? Yet there were six men carrying one. 

Only once did Merida find it necessary to loose one of her explosive arrows, sending fireworks thundering into the pavement between the barricade Eret’s men were holding and the people beating one another silly. 

“Good news, you two!” Eret said as he stepped out onto the terrace late in the day. “They’re calling in the Cataphraact to disperse the rioters. So we might all get to go home soon. 

“Thank Morrigan!” Merida muttered. 

Then Eret caught sight of Toothless. The dragon gave him a flat, unfriendly glare. “What’s he doing here?”

“What any two ton plasma-breathing dragon does: whatever he wants.” Hiccup said. 

“The female isn’t here, is it?” Eret’s eyes darted around nervously.

“Nae,” Merida said. “Ye’d know if she were here. She still hates ye, so she’d have tried to kill ye, most like.” 

“But that shouldn’t concern you,” Hiccup said. “You being a master dragon trapper and all.”

Eret smiled in a bemused way. “You know Hiccup, you remind me of someone.” 

“I hope it’s not one of your old dragon trapper buddies,” Hiccup said.

“No actually.” Eret hopped up onto the wall next to Merida. He glanced over his shoulder at Hiccup. “A dragon rider.”

Hiccup and Toothless trades looks. “Okay, now you’ve got my attention.”

“Thought it might,” Eret said. “Back when I ran a trapping crew, the biggest buyer was Drago Bludvist. He was . . . I don’t know if madman quite conveys it, but he called himself The Dragon God.”

“Charming. I remind you of this guy?”

“No. I’m getting to that.” Eret smiled slyly. “Be patient. 

“Drago controlled a giant dragon that he called the Bewilderbeast. And through it he controlled other dragons. It was unnerving, actually. When they were under his control, it’s like they were mindless. 

“He was a hard man. And if you pleased him, he would merely beat you. If you displeased him . . .” Eret pulled down the neckline of his tunic to show a brand burned onto his pectoral. “He was less merciful.”

Merida covered her mouth with a free hand. Even Toothless looked concerned. 

“Drago planned to conquer. Starting with the Barbaric Archipelago, then the civilized kingdoms. Arendale, Scotland, Albion, The kingdom of the Rus, Corona Agrabah. Eventually he would probably have reached even here.” He chuckled darkly. “I doubt the mighty walls of Constantinople would hold fast against the blast of a shellfire.”

Hiccup shivered, remembering Merida’s assessment of the conquering might of Rome with dragons. 

“I’ve never heard of this Drago Bludvist.” Merida said. “What happened to him?”

“He personally offended a trapper named Grimmel the Grisly. Old Grimmel was the most clever man I ever met. Best trapper, too. Second only to myself. He is the reason why your dragons may be the last of the Night Furies.” 

Eret stared off across the rooftops and into the past. “He took personal offense at Drago’s plan to use dragons to conquer the world. Said that dragons were an abomination that should be wiped out.

“The two men fought. And right in the middle of that, comes this dragon rider. Tall bloke. Wore a blue helmet with horns on it. And ridin’ a stormcutter. He did his best to sow confusion. And in the riot, I guess that Bewilderbeast had enough of Drago’s abuse. 

“He swallowed Drago and Grimmel both. Then he just swam off. Took most of the dragons with him. Except that little sooty female Night Fury I brought here with me. Where the rest of the dragons went, no one can say.”

Eret’s eyes snapped to Hiccup. “The dragon rider moved like you. That’s who you remind me of.”

“Maybe the similar way of moving comes from ridin’ dragons?” Merida guessed. “I can usually spot another archer by the way one shoulder is larger than another.” She touched her right shoulder. 

Hiccup nodded thoughtfully. He’d seen it himself in Merida’s build. She was muscular from a lifetime of horseback riding, climbing and sword training. But thanks to her passion for archery, her right side was slightly more muscular than her left. 

It made sense. It took muscles to draw a bow back. He glanced ruefully at his crossbow. Muscles he hadn’t developed in quite the same way.

But — knowing there was someone like him. “I never knew there were other dragon riders.” Hiccup murmured. He had a feeling that after he and Merida were back home, they’d next go looking for Eret’s dragon rider. 

“Ah,” Eret’s face brightened as he stared up the street. A line of men four abreast, wearing standard-issue infantry armor marched in formation up the street. “Here come the solderi. We’ll soon be home.”

Hiccup frowned as he rubbed Toothless behind the ear. “Not as soon as I’d like.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toothless considers the differences between human and draconic courting, and concludes that humans complicate things overly much. Merida and Hiccup settle into life in the big city, even if they don’t feel like they fit in.

Toothless watched the female Night Fury, his ear flaps forward in interest. She appeared to be ignoring him as she groomed her scales. But every now and then, she would turn her head and watch from the corner of her eye. If he didn’t happen to be looking her way, she would start rearranging her rock nest in the noisiest way possible. 

So she was as interested as he. But interest didn’t always translate into successful pair bonding. 

Hiccup was a good example of this, even if he was human. 

He’d been interested in Astrid. Toothless had even tried to help him by grabbing the girl for him to court. But then Hiccup ran away before Astrid could accept or reject him as a potential mate. 

Toothless had later thought that they fought the queen dragon to show Astrid that Hiccup was a mighty warrior. But after their triumph defeating the queen dragon, Hiccup refused to go back to boast of his victory to Astrid.

Which forced Toothless to conclude that Humans overly complicated things. 

Humans were also strange. 

Merida had seemed to be the one courting Hiccup, and doing so badly. She offered him food, examples of her martial prowess when she’d flown to Berk with an example of her defeat of the fairy she’d called “The Dullahan.” She’d even played a small part in helping Toothless defend Hiccup when they’d flown to Scotland. 

Yet Hiccup hadn’t seemed interested in Merida. Attracted, yes. They’d both been putting out pheromones, though neither seemed to be aware of it. But humans seemed to put out pheromones when they thought another human was pleasing to look on. Even when they were already mated.

Also Merida frequently caused Hiccup to tear at his hair and make confused, exasperated noises. So Toothless had discounted her as a potential mate for his person. And yet, the two were now pair bonded. 

Perhaps then, he shouldn’t take his humans as an example of the way to win over this female dragon. 

He knew he’d have to work hard to get her to accept him. Especially since he’d chosen to flock with two humans and a clutch of annoying eye-licking dragon kin. 

Her experiences with humans had been awful and worse than awful. He could see the net result of those experiences in the dullness of her scales and the weakness of her body. 

But Merida had a plan to change the female dragon’s mind and heal her body. Merida had taken on the role of a hunter in their flock dynamic, procuring food for them when they hadn’t done so themselves. And in Hiccup’s case, making sure he ate when he forgot. In the months she and Hiccup were pair bonded, he’d eaten more consistently and started to fill out his lanky frame. 

Now she would do the same for this dragoness: acquiring fish, which would restore luster to her scales that a diet of mutton had taken away. And chivving her into exercise to restore her muscle. 

Perhaps as the female Night Fury healed in body, she would also heal in spirit through the attention of their flock. And she might see that there was a place for her with them, if she would accept it. 

—

Merida trundled the wheelbarrow of fish out to the female Night Fury. 

“Here we go,” she said as she parked the fish within it’s reach. “Fresh caught barbounia, which Toothless tells me is the best fish he’s eaten this far south.”

The smoke colored dragon opened one lazy eye, regarded her with disinterest, and closed it again. 

Merida sighed. At least this was an improvement from when she was actively trying to set her on fire. She looked over at Toothless, and shrugged. 

With an excited chitter-squawk sound, Merida’s four terrible terriers landed at her feet, and began begging for the fish. 

“Gowan! Away wi’ ye!” She waved the little dragons off. The four of them looked at each other (except for wee Dingbat, whose eyes looked in two different directions). Then they took to caterwauling, falling all over themselves as if Merida was starving them.

The She-Fury harrumphed and turned her back on them. 

“You’re pure lucky I dinnae let the wee ones have this. They’re fair annoying when they want tae be,” Merida told the She-Fury. She turned to address the terriers. “You’ll nae fool me, wee greedy things! I fed ye this morning!”

When they realized that begging wouldn’t get them the fish, they flew at the wheel barrow in the hopes of stealing one. 

“No you dinnae!” Merida whipped the trailing plaid of her arisaid from her shoulders, throwing it over the catch. 

Toothless was suddenly there as well, snapping the air around the dragons in warning. He misjudged his speed, and his jaws clamped down around wee Dingbat. 

He made a confused face, then spit the smaller dragon across the garden. Dingbat bleated in indignation, then flew into the tree to roost. 

The She-Fury raised her head, watching as Toothless defended her food. She rolled her eyes. With a put-upon sigh, she nosed the plaid aside and began eating the fish. 

“Ah hope it’s tae your liking, yur majesty.” Merida bowed mockingly. 

She settled against the rubble pile with a piece of soapstone and her carving knife. The She-fury tilted it’s head in curiosity. Merida held up the block. “I wanted tae make a spoon, but everything I try turns into a bear.” 

She doubted that the She-Fury could understand what she was saying. At least not like Toothless could. But while she was nattering on, the dragon could see that she meant no harm. 

She hummed as she worked, just as she remembered her mother doing when she was a girl. Before long, the little terriers settled around her and took up the tune. 

“A naoidhean bhig, cluinn mo ghuth  
Mise ri d' thaobh, Ó mhaighdean bhàn  
Ar rìbhinn òg, fàs a's faic  
Do thìr, dìleas fhéin.”

Thinking of Mum felt like putting a stone weight on her heart. She missed home so much sometimes. 

When she looked up again, the She-Fury had settled it’s chin on it’s paws, listening to her sing. 

“Ye like it?”

One of it’s ear flaps twitched in response. 

“I’m nae that good. But me Mum used to sing that to me when I was a wee barin.” Merida wiped the corner of her eyes and turned back to the aspirational spoon, which was already taking on blocky, bear-like characteristics. 

“I miss her a great deal. We dinnae always see eye to eye. But she was right about things a good bit more than I like to admit.” 

Merida went back to humming. Toothless settled next to the She-Fury. So far, she seemed to tolerate his presence. Merida wondered if the two of them would soon move onto courting. 

“We ought to get around to choosing a name for ye,” Merida said. The dragoness opened one eye, then closed it again. 

“Do ye like Morrigan?” Merida thought of the woodcarver’s crow. “It means Great Queen.”

The She-Fury yawned. 

“Ye’ have a point,” Merida said. “Ye’ dinnae want to be named after the goddess o’ battle an’ death. How about Kestrel? It’s a bird o’ prey?”

The dragon sniffed, scratching her side with her hind leg.

“Not Kestrel, then. Pity, I liked at’ one.” Merida said. “Dulcinea? No. I dinnae think that’s a good name for ye.” Not since Dulcinea was Don Quixote’s unrequited love (who he completely made up, but still . . . )

She frowned down at the spoon, which was definitely a bear figurine and not a spoon. 

“Maybe If I tried to make a bear-themed spoon, I’d have more luck?” She held the figure up for their inspection. “What do you think, Lassie?”

The She-Fury whuffled at her. 

“Lassie? Really?”

Lassie nodded. 

“Huh.” Merida said. They really were intelligent beasts. “Lassie it is.”

—

Toothless joined in with the Terrors that night, his warbling sounding like Hiccup had dropped a bucket of nails down a set of stairs. The sound left Hiccup’s teeth aching. 

“Toothless?” Hiccup sat up, using Malinky’s fire to re-light a candle on the night stand. “Bud, what’s wrong?”

The four little dragons left off their song, their glowing eyes blinking in confusion at Toothless. The massive black dragon stared at the door, and let out another ear-melting warble. 

A higher warble, counterpoint to Toothless’s own, echoed across the garden outside. 

Hiccup chuckled. 

“What is it?” Merida’s voice sounded thick with sleep. 

“Looks like she’s interested, Bud.” Hiccup hopped on one leg over to the door and opened it. “Why don’t you go hang out?” Toothless darted out the door like one of Merida’s arrows launched from her bow. His tail knocked Hiccup over as he passed. 

“Are ye’ alright?” Merida helped him to stand. 

“Yep, fine!” Hiccup coughed as he brushed dust off his nightclothes. 

“What was that about?”

“Unless I’m mistaken, that was a courting song,” Hiccup said. 

Merida clutched her hands to her chest, bouncing in excitement. “You mean?” 

“Toothless is on his first date,” Hiccup nodded. “I feel like a proud parent.”

The sounds of two large, loud dragons warbling right outside their quarters set the window to rattling. Not to be outdone, the Terrors started to sing louder.

Hiccup and Merida looked at each other in dismay. 

“We dinnae think this through!” Merida wailed, sinking to the floor, covering her ears. 

Hiccup chased the Terrors outside and shut the door behind him. The noise barely diminished. He was certain that before the night was over, the entire palace complex would be awake. 

Hiccup hopped back to the bed, gesturing for Merida to follow him. Once she was next to him, he pulled a pillow over both their heads, muffling the sound just a bit. 

“I thought we’d get to have wee babbies before we had noisy teen angers,” Merida muttered against his chest. 

Hiccup laughed with her. One had to laugh in situations like this. If you didn’t, you would end up crying.

—

“Hiccup?” Merida called as she entered the workshop. “Hiccup? Are ye’ here?” She scanned the room, which in many ways reminded her of his space in the back of Gobber’s smithy on Berk. 

There was a desk where he could sketch out his ideas, plenty of which were pinned to the walls including a larger version of his spyglass for viewing the heavens, a magnifying glass for tiny detail work and a diving bell to allow workmen to build and repair the harbor walls. 

Off to the side, practically hidden, stood a worktable with an old sailcloth covering something. 

“Come on, Hiccup! I know you havnae eaten all day! Ye always forget tae eat when you’re working! I brought ye’ lunch!”

“Hiccup!” She called in sing-song, hoping to tempt him out. “There’s cheese an’ olives an’ flat bread an’ fish an’ honey cakes!” 

She sat the basket of food on a nearby stool, and lifted a corner of the sailcloth.

“Ah ah!” Hiccup said as he walked into the room. “Put that back.”

Merida dropped the cloth and stuck her lip out in a pout. “Och, come on, then! I want to see what ye’ve been working on!” She put her hands on her hips.

Hiccup looked stern for a second, then his expression melted into a smile. He looked around to make sure they were alone. “Fine! Go ahead.”

Merida clapped her hands excitedly, then pulled the cloth back. 

She gasped. There lay a bow unlike any she’d seen before. It looked like a shortbow. Yet there was a pulley affixed to each arm, which she guessed would give it a stronger draw. Perhaps even as strong as her longbow. She rapped the limbs with her cold iron ring. They made a metallic ringing sound. 

“I used some of the gronckle iron that I brought with me.” Hiccup explained. “It can fold into itself, the same way Inferno does.” He touched the sword that rested against his leg. 

“So this is why you needed Numpity’s help in the smithy?” Merida hoisted the weapon, running her hand along the arms and marveling at the lightness. “We wouldnae have to keep this dry the way we do me wooden bow. And I’d never have to unstring it.”

“It’s more than that, Mer,” He said. “The two pulleys give you a mechanical advantage over your old bow. The design is — annnnd you’re not listening.”

Merida pulled an arrow from the quiver on the table, knocked it, drew back and fired into the wall across the room in one fluid motion. 

As she did that, Hiccup ducked, shielding his head. “And now you’re putting holes in my wall. Great. I have a target for that sort of thing, you know.”

She crossed the room to examine the arrow, then let out a low whistle. “By Cináed MacAilpin!” She’d had to use a fraction of her usual effort to draw the bow, yet the arrow was embedded as deeply as if she’d used a bow with twice the draw of her favorite longbow. 

“I built a pulley system into the grip so that when you fire the grapnel arrow, it can pull you up the cable.”

“This is even better than the bows o’ the horse archers o’ the plains that I keep hearing of!” She said reverently.

Hiccup blushed under her praise. “Glad you like it.”

She put the bow down and touched the shield on the table. 

“That’s for me.” He picked it up, as if afraid she’d claim dibs on it. “It’s not a weapon for offense.”

“Ye’ve obviously never been shield punched a’fore.” Merida’s wry smile told him that she’d been on the receiving end of a shield punch more than once. “It’s like bein’ run over wi’ a wall. Some o’ the Macintosh lads will put a spike right in the center o’ their targe. Nasty bit o’ work, that.”

“This one has a couple of surprises.” Hiccup said. He showed her the hidden arsenal inside. “I used most of the supply of Gronkle Iron that I brought with me. We won’t have any more until we go home again.”

They shared a knowing look. As soon as Lassie was strong enough to fly, they’d make their escape. 

Until then, all they could do was pretend to assimilate. 

—

Horses were even less common on the streets of the city than back home in pre-dragon Berk. 

There were camels, oxen and donkeys, but Hiccup had only seen horses in the chariot races and in military processions. 

Unsurprising, when you consider the cost of a horse, and how impractical it was on the narrow, hilly streets. 

So when Merida rode a bucking stallion with a horn on it’s head through the streets, people (who should have done the sensible thing and gotten out of the way) stopped to stare. 

“Away wi’ ye! Slack jawed-jackinapes!” She bellowed, clinging to the creature’s mane and screaming curses in Gaelic. 

Hiccup winced as he chased after the rampaging beast of myth. He was getting better at this running thing. 

Who could have guessed that being married to Merida would make him more battle ready than being raised by Stoick or owned by a dragon?

Eret, Ragnar, Gunnar and Halvdan ran alongside them. 

“Nothing to see here!” Hiccup shouted to the gaping crowd. “Just a garden-variety rhinoceros!”

“Oh yes! Because we let those run loose in the streets, all the time!” Ragnar snapped. 

“Why isn’t the beast submitting?” Eret gasped out. “I thought unicorns would submit to princesses.”

“That’s maidens, actually,” Hiccup said. “And Merida and I have been married for about a year, now, so . . .” He broke off with a shrug. 

A year and a day, actually. He’d woken up the morning of their anniversary to a very amorous wife whispering suggestive things about sacrificing the princess to the mighty dragon master.

If the princess was willing, the mighty dragon master didn’t need to be persuaded. They’d made more than one sacrifice that morning. 

Thinking about it now caused his face to flame red. 

“Congratulations,” Eret said dryly, rolling his eyes. “Are you sure you want your wife trying to control that beast?”

Hiccup grinned in spite of himself. “No one else could manage it. She’s the Bear Princess for a reason.” 

As the rampaging creature passed a cart full of hay, Merida threw herself free. ““Ha! Hiccup! Yur up!”

“Right!” Hiccup moved into position in front of the heavy oak gate they’d selected earlier. He beat his sword against his shield to draw the unicorn’s attention. 

The beast spotted him, lowered it’s head and charged. 

Hiccup dodged at the last second, and the creature crashed into the gate, sticking fast by the horn. It thrashed about, but was unable to free itself. 

“So that’s how you catch a unicorn.” Merida crawled out of the cart while picking straw out of her hair and dress. “Good plan, Hiccup!” 

“All thanks to you, Mi’lady!” Hiccup saluted her with his sword. 

Merida turned her head side to side and stretched to crack her neck and back. “Have we got a ship ready? We can release this beastie up the coast, away from people.”

“Release it?” Eret spluttered, eyes growing wide in outrage. “Woman! Do you know what this is?”

“A bloody pain in the arse,” Merida grumbled. “Give me a dragon any day.” 

Eret gaped at her. 

“You’ll catch flies If ye dinnae shut yer gob.” She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. “Is the emperor paying ye to be finding murder horses for him now?”

“No,” Eret’s tone was sullen.

“And do ye want to be responsible for when it escapes? Maybe gores someone important, like the archbishop, or a senator or a member o’ the imperial court?”

Eret looked speculatively at the horn. “Maybe we could just cut the horn off. I’ve heard that they can neutralize poison and purify water.”

“You’d kill it,” Merida said in a flat tone of voice. “And it would be for naught. Their horns don’t actually purify aught. That’s just tomfoolery spread by the church. You wouldn’t get any coin for it.”

Hiccup had been watching the battle of wills between Eret and Merida. Now he opened up a second front on the war. 

“You know, only a lock and chain of pure silver can hold a unicorn.” He took Merida’s hand in a silent show of unity. 

“I thought you were the dragon tamer,” Eret spat sourly at Hiccup. 

“I did my reading,” Hiccup said. “And I also know my metals. Pure silver is too soft to make a practical lock. It would bend at the slightest pressure.”

“Fine!” Eret huffed in exasperation. “You two win. I’ll have someone release the beast back into the wild.” 

Merida squeezed Hiccup’s hand In silent victory. 

“Halvdan,” Eret rubbed his tattooed chin in thought, “find the actors who brought the beast into the city. I’m sure one of the magistrates from this district would like a word with them. They’ll no doubt be levied a fine to cover the damages.”

Halvdan winked at Eret. “They’ll no doubt pay a hefty bribe to avoid being dragged in front of the magistrate,” he laughed. 

Merida and Hiccup exchanged disbelieving looks, then shook their heads. Such was life in the big city. 

As Hiccup turned to leave, he thought he saw a flash of purple out of the corner of his eye. He glanced up the street. Four slaves were bearing a curtained liter away from them. 

Hiccup shrugged. Maybe he imagined it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was fun using Toothless’s perspective to recap events in my previous stories. He’s not always right, but he’s not completely wrong either.
> 
> I liked Hiccup’s shield from the show. I’m not sure why the creators wouldn’t have wanted it for the movie. Obviously Inferno is a nod to the Lightsaber (and Eret was described as Viking Han Solo). But in the show, Hiccup also used the shield like Captain America does. Why not be both Luke Skywalker and Captain America?
> 
> Merida’s bow is a compound bow based off of one used in the TV show Arrow (I think at the start of season 3?). It’s a pure fantasy weapon. 
> 
> The horse archers of the plains Merida is speaking of are the Mongolian horse archers. They used short recurve bows made of laminated layers of horn and wood, were said to be able to have four arrows in the air at once, and each of their arrows struck with enough force to punch through plate armor. 
> 
> Cináed MacAilpin, also known as Kenneth Macalpin, was the first recognized king of Scotland. (As opposed to a tribal Pictish Chief.) 
> 
> There is a lot of unicorn lore that evolved over time. Especially after the Catholic Church decided to make the unicorn a symbol of Christ. Prior to that, some legends said that anyone pure of heart could tame a unicorn, even if they were a mother of 3. But after the Church got ahold of the legends, only a virgin was pure enough for a unicorn. Because? Jesus, I guess.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The path of true dragon love never did run smooth. Sometimes it runs on stolen imperial archetecture.

Hiccup squinted at Lassie’s rubble pile while on his way back to their quarters. “Merida?”

“Aye?” She asked, coming to stand in the doorway. Numpity sat on her shoulder.

He gestured to the rubble pile. “Is that . . . ? Is that growing?”

Merida moved next to him. Tilting her head sideways, she regarded the pile. Numpity copied the move. “Aye?”

He looked sideways at her. “You don’t sound too sure of yourself.”

Merida shrugged.

Hiccup examined the rubble pile closer. He picked up a slab of marble with a gold-tiled mural of an angel affixed to one side. “I think I’ve seen this inside the great imperial library.”

“How did it get . . .” Merida trailed off. She and Hiccup traded a look as the same thought dawned on each of them.

“Toothless.” They said simultaneously.

“He’s nesting.” Hiccup stroked his chin in thought. “I saw this on Dragon Island during mating season.”

“At’ makes sense,” Merida nodded. “Some birds build and decorate nests to attract their mates. Toothless is just showing Lassie that he can be a good mate.”

“Great. Except the part where he’s using bits of the city to decorate their nest.” Hiccup sighed. “We’ll take this back after it gets dark. Maybe no one will notice.”

—

“Nuada carried the day.”

Hiccup glanced upward as he entered the garden. Lassie has climbed up onto the wall, and was sunning herself atop it. Merida was sitting next to her, legs dangling. The dragon’s head was resting in in her lap. The princess had placed a straw hat low over her head to protect her face from the sun.

He glanced down at the rubble pile, to find Toothless with his head on his front paws, watching them. Tail flicking side to side lazily. Merida’s four Terrors were stretched out around him, quiet for once. All six lizards seemed to be listening to her story.

“Despite the victory, he could no longer be king o’ the people o’ Danu, since by their law only someone whole o’ body could rule. Which just goes to show that even gods can have questionable judgement.”

Hiccup sat on the rubble and leaned against Toothless’s warm, scaly side. Merida had a knack for story telling. Probably something she’d picked up from her dad.

“The people o’ Danu selected Bres, the half-Fomorian to rule them. He was fair o’ face, and unmatched in battle. Brighid also agreed to marry him. All in the hopes that the people o’ Danu and the Fomorians would unite.”

“What were Fomorians?” Hiccup’s asked. Merida lifted her hat and squinted down into the garden to spot him. Lassie also turned her head.

He waved awkwardly.

“I suppose they’d be like the Jötuns you told me of.” Merida favored him with one of her radiant smiles, then princess and dragoness both settled back into their former positions.

“Bres favored the people o’ his father, and the children o’ Danu suffered for it. Twas said that even the smoke from the chimneys was taxed under the Fomorians.”

“Have you noticed a certain . . . Sameness in the Gods?” Hiccup’s asked hesitantly. He dropped into a fetal position, covering his head to protect himself against godly wrath.

Merida raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

When Thor’s lightning didn’t rain down on him, he felt emboldened enough to get back up and continue.

“Well, you’ve got The Dagda, who is an all-father type, like Odin. And here the pagan enclaves have Zeus who is also father of the gods. Even the Christians say their God is a father to them.”

“I suppose it’s comforting tae think o’ the person in charge o’ everything as a wise father-figure.” Merida shrugged. “Though there’s a bit more wildness to yur Odin and The Dagda than Zeus.”

“I suppose it comes from being the gods of people who don’t live in these huge cities.”

“Barbarians, Hiccup. Ye may as well say it. In the eyes o’ the Roman people, we are and have always been uncivilized.”

Hiccup sighed forlornly.

He missed home.

He missed the way the brisk wind slapped him in the face when he and Toothless raced through pillars of stone across the North Sea. He missed seeing the massive tidal dragons swimming in pods and he missed the northern lights.

He missed seeing a million stars just off Toothless’s wing. So many that he couldn’t even pick out Freyja’s girdle. So close he could almost reach out and touch them. He missed the quiet stillness at night when he could even hear his own heartbeat.

He missed those scant few nights he’d shared with Merida before they left Scotland. When she’d shown him the secret passages out of her castle and into the forest. They’d built a fire under a canopy of trees and sat whispering their plans to one another in the circle of each other’s arms. The thrill of feeling like they were getting away with something almost as good as flying.

Here it was always noisy, even in the middle of night. It was never dark enough to see the stars. And the hot, bad smelling air was always close.

Merida grimaced in commiseration. He knew that like him, she missed roaming the forest. Stalking wild rabbit and deer, swimming in half-frozen rivers and climbing a cliff face just for the challenge.

The books and scrolls he’d read all described the wonders of Constantinople and it’s civilization in glowing terms. But Hiccup knew it to be a fancy cage. And if they stayed there, they’d end up like the wild animals in the menagerie: listless. Atrophied. Ill tempered.

Merida took up the thread of her story. “Nuada went tae the great healer Diancecht who made for him a silver hand. Which is why he’s called Nuada Silverhand. But Diancecht’s son Miach did one better, replacing the silver hand with one o’ flesh.”

Hiccup let Merida’s words wash over him as he studied Lassie. She’d taken to following Merida in scaling the walls and leaping over rooftops of the royal palace, pushing the limits of their endurance (and Eret’s patience).

Now the dragon’s overall build resembled Toothless’s more than it had. But they’d still need to build her flying muscles.

He thought back to the days in the cove at Berk. How he and Toothless had trained to work together by holding a rope and gliding at the top of a cliff.

Perhaps toothless could tow Lassie along, like running with a kite, until her muscles were strong enough to sustain distance flying. If they could just find a way to do so under Eret’s nose.

Thanks to Eret’s confession, he now knew that the Varangian guard were always watching. They’d been indulgent so far, when they thought that Lassie was grounded.

Hiccup could guess that they’d find some way of stopping him and Merida if they thought that the two of them could fly away at any moment. Maybe they’d take Toothless’s tail fin, or keep them under house arrest.

‘Let them try.’ That small reckless part of him that sounded entirely too much like Merida thought.

He and Merida would just have to make extra certain to keep their movements secret.

Time to move their training to the cover of night.

—

“She won’t carry me,” Merida whispered to him in the quiet darkness of their room. They’d taken to discussing Lassie’s training there, where they could be reasonably certain that no one was listening. (If there were spies in the walls, they couldn’t hear over the sound of Terrors singing.) “I knew a feral cat like her once. It lived in the stables and let me pet it. But it’s trust only went so far.”

“I was afraid of that,” Hiccup sighed. Lassie had just been too abused by humans to completely trust them. “You’ll just have to keep riding with me and Toothless.”

“It’s nae that bad,” Merida said, sounding like she was trying to convince herself. “I bonded wi’ me wee ones. That’s more n’ enough dragons for any woman tae manage. An’ when we escape, I think Lassie’ll follow. She’ll just belong tae herself. An Toothless, if she decides tae stay wi’ him.”

“I hope she does,” Hiccup whispered.

“Me too,” Merida said. “I think she will. He brings a lot tae the table.”

“He might be the last male Night Fury.” Hiccup nodded in agreement.

“That’s nae what I’m talkin’ about. Unless I’m mistaken, Lassie seems to have the idea that we serve him.”

“Like we’re his bondmen, or something?” Hiccup chuckled.

“More like his retainers,” Merida said. “What with the way we serve him.”

Hiccup bumped his head against Merida’s, playfully. “Well, she’s not too wrong.”

“Nae, I suppose not.” Merida sounded amused.

—

“Toothless! Shhhh!” Merida pressed her fingers to her lips. Toothless gave her an annoyed look, then went back to beating on the wall with his tail.

“Hiccup needs his sleep!” Merida grasped the dragon’s head, pulling it around. “He was up late helpin’ build the barge mills he designed. He’s pure knackered!”

Toothless looked from her to the saddle and tail fin that he’d dragged out into the moonlight.

“You want tae go for a flight?”

He nosed the saddle toward her.

Merida sighed. “Alright, but you have tae control the tail fin.”

Toothless wiggled his backside in excitement as Merida strapped the saddle and tail fin in place. She examined each part for signs of wear or damage the way Hiccup had shown her. When she was satisfied, she put on the riding harness Hiccup had made for her and clipped herself to the saddle.

“Alright, ye great beastie! We’re ready!”

Toothless hopped up onto the rubble pile, and from there to the top of the wall. Merida clung to his back like a burr. He looked around, as if trying to spot someone.

“Looking for Lassie?” Merida asked.

He grunted in agreement.

Merida scanned the tops of the walls. Now that the dragoness could climb, she liked to sit atop the walls overlooking the Sea of Marmara and watch the ships sail past the lighthouse.

Sure enough, Merida could see her flicking tail dangling down from the side of the structure.

“There she is,” Merida pointed.

Toothless made his way over to her in wriggling hops. He purred a good morning greeting.

“Good morning, Lassie!” Merida waved. “Toothless was about tae take me for a mornin’ flight.”

Lassie crossed her front paws and rested her chin on them, staring out at the horizon. Occasionally, she’d look to Toothless out of the corner of her eye.

Merida leaned forward so that she could whisper into Toothless’s ear flap. “I think she’d like tae see what ye’ can do.”

Toothless perked his ear flaps up at that.

“Alright, let’s gooooooo—-“ Merida let out a strangled scream as Toothless threw himself off the walls.

They plummeted like a stone. Down. Down. Down. Almost to the water before he opened his wings like a couple of sails, catching them and then throwing them out to skim over the waves.

Merida felt like she was nothing more than a vessel to hold screams. When she was empty, she clung to the saddle, gasping and trying to make her heart slow it’s beating.

She could swear that Toothless’s draconic purrs sounded like laughing.

“Well at’ wasnae verra nice.” She said once she’d regained her breath. Toothless was definitely laughing at her now. His chortling rocked his whole body.

“Right.” Merida flattened herself across his back, tightening her hold with her knees. “Yer feelin’ yer oats today Laddie. Let’s impress yer Lassie!”

Toothless took her on a wild ride filled with loops, dives and freefalls. If not for her harness, Merida would have been thrown off and into the sea. She was glad she hadn’t yet had breakfast. Otherwise she would have tasted it a second time.

This section of the sea, near as it was to the imperial palace, was devoid of fishing boats, shipping traffic and soldiers - other than Eret’s men, who knew Toothless by now.

What ships docked near here were also in service to the Imperial court, the sailors aboard all still abed.

This made the pre-dawn hours a perfect time to fly. Within minutes they could be out into open sea with no vessels for miles to witness their passing as the sun rose.

But today they pushed their luck in order to stay in sight of the walls and the dragoness that Toothless wanted to impress.

At one point, there seemed to be tremendous air pressure building up in front of them. Then with a slight pop of Merida’s ear drums, they slipped beyond the wave of sound. Below them, water pushed outward and behind them there was a definite trailing wake.

Merida unstrapped the collapsible bow from her back and locked the arms into firing position. She pulled a firework arrow from her quiver.

“Alright, Laddie!” She called out to Toothless. “Let’s see how well ye aim!” She fired the arrow.

Toothless tracked it as it arched away from them. It nearly hit the water before he incinerated it in a puff of plasma and fireworks. Then he climbed into a cloud bank.

For the next hour, they lit up the sky as if they were a passing thunderstorm. Merida launched trick shot after trick shot. Toothless made his intercepting volleys just as complicated.

When they finally landed, gliding low over the walls of the place gardens so as not to be seen, Merida was wind blown and smelling of ozone.

Hiccup came to the door of their rooms dressed in his night shirt and breeches and smiling sleepily at Merida and Toothless.

“You two look like you had fun,” he said.

“I hope you dinnae mind,” Merida said as she slid out of the saddle. “I think Toothless wanted to show off for his Lassie.”

“Well, whatever the two of you did, it seemed to work.” Hiccup pointed to the wall where Lassie was perched.

She was staring at Toothless, tail flicking in interest. The dragoness turned to slink off, pausing to look back at Toothless. Her expression seemed to say ‘well, are you coming?’

Toothless looked up at Lassie, then back to Hiccup.

“Go!” Hiccup made a shooing motion with his hand.

Toothless smiled at Hiccup, forked tongue lolling to the side before bounding after Lassie.

“We should probably give them some privacy,” Hiccup said, backing away from the door.

“Aye,” Merida said as she finger combed her windblown hair. She sniffed at her chemise, wrinkling her nose. “I smell like plasma and fireworks. After a mornin’ like this, it’s off tae the bathhouse.”

“I don’t suppose I could delay you a bit, Mi’lady.” Hiccup wriggled his eyebrows at her. “The bathhouse won’t open for hours yet. We seem to have the morning to ourselves. And plasma and fireworks are an alluring smell to a Viking.”

Merida answered with a smirk of her own. “Far be it from me to waste the mornin’. Or the Viking.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things go south, forcing everyone to head north.

“Draw your portrait with your lovely lady?” An artist called out to Hiccup from the window of his studio as he and Merida walked past. “Only 20 nummi!”

Hiccup looked over the artist’s patched smock and the shabby exterior of the studio. He looked at Merida, eyebrows raised in question. “He looks like he could use the money.”

“We could send it to Mum. Let her know we’re doing well.” Merida agreed.

“Alright, friend!” Hiccup called to the artist. “You’ve got a deal!”

He counted out the coin. Then they entered the shop and let the artist settle Hiccup into a chair. He placed Merida behind him, her hand resting on his shoulder. 

They sat there as the artist worked feverishly over a sheet of cheap-looking paper. Hiccup watched the artist work with an interested eye. He was still working with parchment in his own workshop.

Within a shorter time than Hiccup would have judged possible to make a competent portrait, the artist rolled up his creation and pushed them out the door. 

While Merida unrolled the drawing, Hiccup heard the sounds of the door being locked and barred behind them. 

“I suspect we’ve been conned,” he said dryly. “Perhaps we should have insisted on paying at the end?”

Merida looked at the drawing and laughed. Hiccup glanced over her shoulder. “Yeah, that’s bad.”

“Where do ye ken me stomach went?” She wiped her eyes. “I look like I belong on a parade float.”

“Into my arms, apparently,” Hiccup grinned. “Portrait of Hiccup as a buff young man.”

“And o’ Princess Merida the sparkly. Well, it’s good for a laugh, if nothing else.” Merida rolled the paper up and handed it to Hiccup. “Mum probably wished I was more like the girl in that drawing.”

“Dad definitely wished I was like that,” Hiccup said, tucking it away. 

“Well, here’s tae not meeting our parents expectations! I prefer ye like this.”

Hiccup put an arm around her waist. It was perfectly suited to him - just like the rest of her. “Me too.”

—

The Romans had a passion for a game that they’d learned from the Saracens that involved knocking a ball around with a club while on horseback. Even the palace complex had an open, grassy field set aside for the Imperial court to use. 

Hiccup, Merida and the dragons snuck out to it during the middle of the night. 

“We’re going to attach this rope to your saddle, Toothless.” Hiccup’s held up the tow rope for him to see. “Lassie can bite down on the end of it and stretch out her wings. You’ll do all the work to help her glide.”

Lassie took the rope in her mouth. She and Toothless traded a look in which some kind of understanding passed between them that Hiccup couldn’t follow. 

As one, the pair took off running for the walls of the palace. They slithered over the top, and were gone. 

Hiccup and Merida stood blinking at the spot where the two dragons had vanished in shock. Then the two of them ran for the wall. Merida fired her grapnel arrow, then used the winch in the bow to pull herself up. 

It took Hiccup a moment to remember that he’d built similar functionality into his shield. By the time he reached the top of the wall, the two dragons looked like mere dots in the moonlight, far out to sea. 

He continued to stare as they traveled beyond his ability to see. 

“Where do ye’ ken they went?” Merida asked. 

“I . . . I don’t know.” Hiccup said. 

—

Hiccup was still sitting on the wall, staring out at the sea when the sun rose. Merida had gone back to their quarters and returned with two bowls of porridge. 

Hiccup wasn’t sure why, but Merida seemed to have gotten the impression that he was too skinny, and that one of her jobs as his wife was to feed him up. 

Most of the time he appreciated it. He did forget to eat when consumed by a project. But today — “I’m not hungry.” He pushed the bowl away.

“Suit yurself.” She shrugged, then sat cross legged next to him and ate her own porridge. 

“How can you eat?” He stared at her incredulously. “Toothless and Lassie just took off.”

Merida put her spoon down and carefully sat the bowl aside. “It fashed me a bit at first.” She said as she brushed crumbs off her lap. “But they’re newly mated adult dragons. They’ve probably just done what any newlyweds would do: get away from this muckle o’ people.” She swept her arm out to indicate the city behind them, nose wrinkling in distaste. 

The thought only partially reassured Hiccup. “Toothless was wearing his full rig. What if the cables get caught on something? Or the tail fin breaks?”

“Then Lassie will help him,” Merida said. “Just as I would help you.”

“She can’t fly yet!” Hiccup exploded at her. He fisted his hands in his hair, putting all his pent up worry and feelings of helplessness into a long, deep yell skyward.

Merida’s face turned red. She breathed through her nose. 

“They’re not pets, Hiccup.” Her voice was gentle, even as her eyes flashed dangerously.

“I know tha—“

“You call Toothless yur best friend.” Merida cut him off. “If that’s what he is to ye: a friend and nae a pet, then stop mother henning. Give him his freedom tae make the choice tae stay or go for hisself. Trust that the twa o’ them can and will take care o’ one another.”

She stood, picking up her bowl but leaving his. “They’ll be back when they’re ready. I don’t ken when at might be. But they’ll be back.” She stomped away across the top of the wall. “Now eat yur damned porridge!” 

Once she left, Hiccup threw the bowl off the wall and into the sea in a fit of frustration 

—

Merida and her Terrors were out for the morning by the time Hiccup returned to their quarters. She was probably off to find a convenient post that she could bludgeon to death with a sword. 

Well, most of her terrors were gone. Malinky was laying on the bed. Obviously left so that Hiccup could send a d-mail to Merida if he needed to get word to her. 

The little green dragon gave him a reproachful look. Hiccup sighed, and put his arm out. Malinky crouched, wriggling her backside and tail in the air, then launched herself onto Hiccup’s shoulder. Hiccup scratched behind her horns. 

It was probably just as well that Merida gave him some space so that they could both cool off. As he gathered together the tools he wanted to take to the workshop, Hiccup reflected on his actions earlier. He knew he needed to apologize. But he wasn’t ready yet. 

Tucking away his notebook and shouldering his shield, he set out. 

If there was one thing Hiccup could count on, it was that work would absorb him to the point that he forgot his troubles. Through most of the morning, he read accounts of the Corinthian portage machine. Perhaps something similar — like a specially paved road and custom made carts all linked — could be used to transport large cargo inland. The Empire would need fewer camels that way. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there when his stomach started growling with hunger. He felt a pang of remorse a bit higher than his stomach. Merida hadn’t come by so that they could spend lunchtime together. 

Just then Eret ran through the door. “Grab anything you want to keep, Hiccup.” He said. “We’re leaving Constantinople! Right now!”

Hiccup stared at Eret, mouth open, blinking. “Oh . . . Kay?”

Eret rolled his eyes, then started running around the room, pulling drawings off of the walls and throwing them into a messy pile. “The emperor died this morning! Choked on a fig, officially. But he was probably poisoned by one of his nephews.”

Hiccup winced as Eret crinkled the pages of his work with grubby hands. 

He pushed the mercenary aside, pulled out a haversack he’d stashed away for when he was ready to bolt, and started packing away his tools, book of dragons, drawings and schematics. 

Eret squinted at him. “You just happened to have a pack stashed away?”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t have soldiers watching to make sure we didn’t run off.” Hiccup snapped. 

“Fair enough,” Eret shrugged, lip twisting. 

“If the emperor died, does that mean one of his nephews is going to take over?”

“The two brats are fighting it out right now in the streets. Backed by every Blue and Green faction member. 

“Along the way, they’re getting rid of anyone they think might challenge their power, including foreigners. The Venetians have already pulled their boats out into the Golden Horn to wait it out. I plan to do the same.”

‘Merida!’ Hiccup dropped his pack and started for the exit. Eret stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder. “Merida’s out there!”

“I wouldn’t worry about her. She seems like she can take care of herself. Where are your dragons?”

Dragons? Malinky! Hiccup tore a blank page from his journal and scrawled a hasty note to Merida. 

“Toothless and Lassie flew away this morning,” he told Eret.

He tied the message to Malinky’s leg. “Go find Merida, girl!”

The dragon blinked at him once, then launched itself out the window. 

“Right! Time to go!” Eret threw Hiccup over one shoulder like a sack of grain, put the pack over the other shoulder and grabbed the shield with his free hand, He then took off into the streets.

“Wait!” Hiccup shouted at him. “What if Toothless and Lassie come back and we’re not here?”

“They’re Night Furies!” Eret said. “They’ll know you’ve left the city before you have!”

—

One of the few things Merida could honestly say she’d miss when she eventually left Constantinople would be the Baths of Zeuxippus. Women were allowed to use the bathhouse in the morning. There she would swim in the frigidarium until her arms were tired. 

Usually once she’d had enough of swimming and her fingers looked like prunes, she’d dress, purchase lunch for herself and Hiccup, and head over to his workshop. 

Today she simply floated on her back, her hair a red cloud drifting around her. She didn’t have the energy to hang onto her anger. 

Was Hiccup wrong to take his worry out on her? Yes. 

But would he apologize the moment he saw her?

Also yes. Hiccup was quick to be the peacemaker in any situation. Doubly so in their marriage. 

Merida wondered how his gods had managed to pack so much heart into such a lanky scarecrow of a man. 

There was only one thing to do, and that was to give him the opportunity to apologize. She dressed and purchased a couple hand pies from the food seller.

“Be careful on the streets.” The food seller looked meaningfully at Merida, then looked to the hood of her cloak. 

Merida nodded in understanding. She tucked the food away, pulled her cloak over her head, then ducked out a side door and down the alley between the bathhouse and the Daphne wing of the place. 

She pulled her bow from beneath her cloak, unfolding the arms and firing a grapnel. Then she used it to lift her onto the roof of the bathhouse. 

Numpity and Bampot joined her. But there was no sign of Dingbat. 

From this vantage, she could see a mob of people in blue and green tunicas rioting in the streets before the Hippodrome. 

Merida glanced across the rooftops of the Daphne Palace. She would just have to go over them to get back to their quarters. 

So much for her relaxing, cleansing bath. She huffed as she jumped across the alley and onto the roof of the palace. 

—

There were people in their quarters. That much was obvious by the way Hiccup’s clothing had been dumped into the garden. 

Merida had the feeling that this wasn’t an ordinary riot. Not if the rioters could get into the palace. 

She pulled out one of the red tipped canister arrows, followed by a blue tipped one. She clenched the blue tipped one between her teeth for quick access. Then she nocked the red tipped one.

Hiccup had told her they would cause a wee boom. So she was to use them in combination only in the most extreme emergency. 

If this didn’t qualify as an emergency, she didn’t know what did. 

She leaped from the palace roof to the top of the wall surrounding the Menagerie. From there she jumped to the rubble pile and rolled to a crouch in front of the door to their quarters. 

She fired the red canister. A thick green smoke issued from the doorway. She could hear coughing inside. 

Before she could second guess herself she fired the blue canister. 

There was a spark, then a flame bloomed out from the canister. 

Merida didn’t have time to regret her actions. Only to feel dismay like a lead weight in her gut before the blast pushed her backward. 

She was aware of tremendous heat as stones rained down around her. Then she was suddenly drenched in water. 

She sat, dazed and blinking, ears ringing for a few minutes. Then she looked up. Dingbat hovered above her with a bucket in his jaws. 

Woodenly, Merida touched her wet, singed hair. There seemed to be a lot less of it. Her shift and kyrtle clung to her in sodden, sooty tatters. 

By The Dagda! This was Hiccup’s definition of a wee boom? This was his solution to the direst emergency he could think of? What exactly constituted a dire emergency in his book? They really needed to discuss this kind of thing!

The menagerie looked like the aftermath of a dragon attack. Their quarters were naught but a smoking crater. The windows of the palace behind her had been blown in. 

“At’ was a mistake.”

Dingbat settled into her lap. His scaly hide and needle-sharp claws on her bare leg a reminder that she shouldn’t be sitting near-naked in the dirt like a dafty.

“Ye saved me life, Dingbat.” She kissed the dragon atop his scaly head. “Good boy!” 

Even when there is rioting in the streets, Merida knew that explosions could attract attention. Plus, there were worrying curls of smoke coming from the palace’s broken windows. Sooner or later someone would come looking for a culprit. 

She quickly scoured the wreckage of their dwelling for anything salvageable, sending the dragons to poke about the hottest parts of the smoldering stonework. 

They returned with her hairbrush, the bone handle warped by the heat and the bristles burned away. 

“I won’t be needing this.” Merida said wryly. She touched her hair. When she eventually got around to cutting away the singed ends, it would be nearly as short as Hiccup’s. 

There was no sign of the thieves. Merida hoped they’d done a legger before she’d blown up her rooms. 

She shook her head in dismay. How was she going to explain this to Hiccup? 

To be fair, it wasn’t the worst thing she’d done. But “at least no one was turned into a bear,” was not stellar defense. 

Just then, Malinky cried out to her. She landed in Merida’s arms, holding out a leg to show the note tied there. 

Merida had a feeling that whatever she read in the note would just be more bad news. She quickly untied it and scanned the contents.

“Eret says we need to flee the city. Grab what you can, and meet us at his ship.”

Merida brightened. Suddenly, the state of their quarters didn’t matter as much. 

She found the haversack Hiccup had packed for when they could sneak away. It was hidden beneath the rubble pile, and contained dried and preserved food, money and a few treasures they’d not wanted to part with. 

The only clothing that survived were a tunic and breeches that had been tossed by the looters. Merida quickly changed from her tattered dress into Hiccup’s clothes. 

The fit was not quite right. She had to roll the sleeves and tuck the breeches into her boots. But it would serve. 

She knew better than to chance the streets. not with a riot brewing. Instead she scaled the wall, headed back the way she’d come. The little dragons followed.

—

Hiccup was treated to an uncomfortable, bouncing, ride through the twisting, hilly, dirt track lanes of The city. Eret ran like a drunken lost man. In places he doubled back, cutting through warehouses and up stairs. 

Though they managed to avoid riots, there were signs of them everywhere. Here a burning building. There a smashed in gate or door. 

At length, they reached the docks. Hiccup could see Halvdan, Gunnar and Ragnar, along with two score Vikings on a massive Drakkar longship. With a fearsome dragon carved on the prow, Hiccup knew it to be the type of sailing vessel favored by raiders gone a-viking.

“Is this everyone?” Eret asked. 

“Everyone personally loyal to you.” Ragnar said. “The rest decided to stay. After all, whoever comes out on top is going to need a guard.”

“Odin be with them,” Eret tossed Hiccup and his things into a pile on the decks of the longship. “And pray that they’re merciful to us when this is over.”

“We can’t leave without Merida!” Hiccup insisted. 

“Here she comes!” Halvdan pointed to the gate. “At least, I think that’s her.” 

Hiccup recognized her running along the top of the wall above the gate. She was dressed in one of his green tunics and a set of his breeches, along with her green cloak. The hood of the cloak was pushed back, revealing that most of her long red hair was gone. 

Was she trying to disguise herself? If so, there was no mistaking the four little Terrors that trailed in her wake. 

She fired one of her grapnel arrows into the air. The Terrors seized it, and she swung from the wall. The four dragons bore her down to the ship. 

“Thank Odin!” Hiccup pulled her into his arms. 

“At was a close one!” Merida said. “There were looters in our quarters!”

“What happened to you?” Eret asked. “Was there trouble?”

Merida grimaced. “For them. I used the red and blue arrows to fumigate the rooms.”

“You what?” Hiccup raked his hands through his hair. “I designed those to blow apart hardened Deathsong Amber!”

“They might be a little too powerful,” Merida said ruefully. “It took care o’ the pests. And the rooms. And most o’ me hair. And me dress.”

“You blew up our rooms?” Hiccup said incredulously. 

“Aye.” Merida sighed. “And set fire to the palace. There’s a chance at’ they think we’re dead. I salvaged the important things. As for the rest: well,” she shrugged. “‘Twas mostly clothes.”

“I never knew the Scottish were so violent.” Eret let out a whistle. “We better cast off before they find us. Princess, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to row.”

Merida rolled her eyes. “Do ye’ really think, after the kind o’ day I’ve had, that I mind a bit of rowin’?” She took her place at an oar next to Gunnar. 

“That is apparent.” Eret chuckled. 

Halvdan cast off the lines, and the ship moved out of the harbor and into the river. 

“What about the chain?” Ragnar looked worried. 

“We can’t get around it,” Eret said. “Our best hope is to wait things out in the middle of the river.”

Hiccup stood atop his rowing bench and stared at the chain resting on the surface of the water stretched between the Tower of Galata on one side of the Golden Horn and the Tower of Eugenius on the other. Then he looked back at the low draft of the Viking longship. 

“I’ve got an idea!” He said. 

“Praise Odin!” Eret drew his arm across his forehead in relief.

“Everyone not rowing get to the back of the boat! Move all the weight back there! And everyone else row like Hela herself offered to kiss you!” Hiccup yelled. 

A chuckle went up and down the lines of rowers. 

“What’s that going to do?” Gunnar asked. 

“I think I get it.” Eret grinned deviously. “Everyone do what he says! Row! And put your backs into it!”

The ship surged ahead, passing anchored Venetian boats. The prow lifted gradually, until the graceful, curved tip was a foot above the water. 

As the ship crossed the chain, they heard it scrape the belly of the vessel. When it was halfway across, Hiccup nodded to himself. “Now we need all the spare weight moved to the front.”

Those not rowing grabbed whatever wasn’t nailed down and shifted forward. The ship teetered, and slid off the chain and into the Bosphorus.

The Vikings on the ship cheered. 

“Looks like there’s more to you than just your toys, Master Artificer!” Eret said. “Good work!”

“Do we head to Cypress or Basarabi?” Halvdan asked.

“Basarabi,” Eret said. “I’d rather take my chances with the Rus than the new emperor of the Romans, whoever that turns out to be.” 

Merida looked at Hiccup in confusion. “We're headed to the kingdom of the Rus?”

“The inland river trade route,” Hiccup explained. “It’s the route I planned to follow before your mother took over planning for us. We’ll be home by Snoggletog.”

“I hope you’re right,” Merida said, chewing on her lower lip. “But that’s what Odysseus thought, too.”

Gunnar looked at her in confusion. “There was a Viking named Odysseus?”

Hiccup sat down hard on the rowing bench next to Merida, and laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I left everything in quite a pickle, didn’t I? Not to worry, there’s one more story in this story arc. Which I’ve already written and will begin posting next week.
> 
> The first scene is a nod to Merida’s temporary “redesign” when Disney added her to the official princess lineup. After fans protested that she was too skinny and pouty-lipped and that they took her bow away, Disney said that it was only temporary for her “coronation.” 
> 
> I notice that while they brought back the bow and toned down the glamor aspect, she’s still wearing the fancy hybrid of the two dresses from her movie. While Elinor would probably approve, Merida would definitely grouse about it. 
> 
> The sporting field that Toothless and Lassie take off from is a polo field. 
> 
> The Corinthian portage machine is considered a forerunner to modern railroad. So if not for being interrupted by civil war, Hiccup might have invented a railroad system.
> 
> Also, Hiccup’s solution to escape Constantinople is something a literal viking actually did. Harald “Hardrada” Sigurdsson, king of Norway served with the Varangian Guard when he was young. When he decided that he wanted to go home, he made his escape from service over the Byzantine cross-strait iron chains the way Hiccup suggests to Eret. 
> 
> Side note: scholars mark Harald’s death as the end of the Viking age.


End file.
